Friday, December 11, 2015

Your Chance to Be Armored (But Not Dangerous)

So…this month, we at OnZ Wireless want to announce our new series of armor phone cases. Unfortunately, they are actually so awesome that we are running out of words to describe the legendarily colossal awesomeness of gargantuan proportions, so we’re going to use all of this blog to give you a sense of the performance level that these armor cases provide through some apt comparisons. 

Feeling Royal?

This beastly thing is an armor for rider and horse ordered by Sigismund II Augustus in the 16th century. Sigismund (catchy name) was the King of Poland and Grand Duke of Lithuania, so if you’ve ever felt like you want to be the king of a small European country, or the grand duke of an even smaller European country, this is the kind of getup you’d be looking at, in terms of a quick grocery store run. Or you can just skip the pesky responsibilities of a dictator (what do you mean no taxation without representation?) and go with an armor case for your phone instead, because it is at least as royally impressive as this little thing.

Do You Believe You Can Fly?

Have you ever thought to yourself that you would like to have a badass blood-red armor that allows you to fly, drop bombs and arrest intergalactic criminals? Let’s face it, who hasn’t. That is literally all we think about while staring mindlessly at our monitors. Now, while our armor phone cases don’t give you the ability to fly, bomb things or be the space police (please don’t try them at home and then sue us), it does come in an awesome shade of red that definitely matches the Ironman armor both in color and durability. And surely that’s what is truly important about being a superhero playboy millionaire with a heart of pure energy: Your phone case matching your outfit. 

You Wanna Tank It?

This little Sunday drive vehicle is the Black Panther tank, designed by the South Korean army and known as one of the most advanced high tech tanks in the world. Not only do our armor cases come in way more colors than this tank, they are also pretty much as strong and high-tech as it is. Sources tell us that it’s totally possible that the South Korean army driving this tank is protecting their cellphones (no texting while driving!) with our armor cases.

There you go. That’s approximately how awesome our new armor cases are, but if you need more info, feel free to contact us or to test them out yourself. 


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